A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
