u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
