Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
