She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
