Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
