just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Drake has all the answers
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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