Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
