over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
