Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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