If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
