I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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