Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
two words: eviction party
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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