forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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