well most of my day revolves around power hour
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
