Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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