I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize