Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
