In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
