I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
