Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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