The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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