Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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