I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
