I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize