wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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