New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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