You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
