i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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