Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
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I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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