R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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