If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize