I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
