Fine. I'll sleep in my office
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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