You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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