Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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