Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
