Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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