he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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