it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
