nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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