Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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