I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
