So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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