You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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