I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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