A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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