If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
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I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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