she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
