I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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