I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
