They should really pass out barf bags in church
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
