I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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