Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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