how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
