They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
