An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
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I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.