a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it hurts more in the daytime
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"