and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Man Helps Gorilla Find His Next Tinder Date
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Women Confess The Weirdest Things Men Wanted From Them
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.