i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.