my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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