I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
