There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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