Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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