My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
