Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
