she takes plan B like it's going out of style
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
