How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
