Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Drunk is a universal language darling
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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