no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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